Ouran High School Fruits Club
by One Sided Pancake
Summary: A hilarious compilation of one-shot parodies and random anime crossovers with our favorite characters from Fruits Basket. Watch as the adventure for randomness unfolds! Rated K -T for slight language and the lack of oxygen to your lungs that will ensue.
1. Ouran High School Fruits Club

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**Chapter One - Ouran High School Fruits Club**

_Casting for this Chapter:_

_Tohru as Haruhi  
Yuki as Tamaki  
Hatori as Kyoya  
Hatsuharu as Mori  
Momiji as Hunny  
Kyo as Hikaru  
Younger version of Kureno as Kaoru  
Uo as Renge  
Akito as Nekozawa  
__and...  
Yuki's fan-club as host club customers_

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Tohru Honda stumbled into the music room by mistake.... Well, not exactly.

Kind and innocent Tohru had heard about the prestigious Ouran High School Host Club... The reviews were excellent, and rarely did anyone ever leave the club disappointed. Tohru had time on her hands today, and decided to check the place out, before she had to go to work.

According to the rumor, it had everything you could possibly ever want and need;

**Cute boys.**

Music.

**Handsome boys.**

Entertainment.

**Princely boys.**

Food.

**Girly boys.**

Fun.

**Twin boys.**

Yaoi.

**Smart boys.**

Chat.

**Boys.**

**Boys.**

**And no fruit.**

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Tohru had never been in the Club before, as she had only recently learned of it from her friend, Uo. Although she wasn't one for romance, she thought that it might be interesting.

"I wonder what kind of guy I'll meet..." Tohru wondered as she opened the doors. Suddenly, a romantic atmosphere filled her heart, and she thought she was in heaven.

"Welcome," male voices began to greet in unison, "To the Ouran High School Fruits Club!!!"

Rose petals fell from the ceiling, and one landed in Tohru's eye.

"OW!" It stung.

But then... Tohru's heart sank.

_Had she heard correctly...?  
Ouran High School... **Fruits**... Club?_

"Come on in!" The Club's King... Er, Prince, Yuki, had welcomed. "Pleased to meet you, new customer! I recognize every face that comes here." He pulled her by the arm and dragged her into the club to meet the members.

"So, what's your type?" Prince Yuki asked, suddenly.

"Err, uhmm... B Positive..." She answered.

The prince gave her a weird look before continuing.

"No, no... What type of fruit do you like?" the prince asked as various club members pulled out different types of fruit. "Banana Type? Orange Type? Blackberry Type? Apple Type? Peach Type? Or maybe..." the Prince cut off as he got near Tohru's face and pulled out a Kiwi, "Is Kiwi your type?"

Tohru frantically blushed and said, "Oh, no... I don't know what type of fruit is my type! Is there... a Rice ball type...?"

Prince Yuki put his palm on his forehead and sighed.

"Look, girly. Rice balls aren't fruit. When will you ever learn?"

"Oh... Well, then... I'll just be going..." Tohru turned around as she tried to walk out of the room.

By mistake, she accidentally bumped into a vase. It fell, and all of the club members gasped.

"That cost $1 at dollar tree... Therefore, you will work as our dog hence, to repay..."

Tohru gulped. And thus began her journey as a Fruit Club member.

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_**The club was lively today; Fruits were the hot topic of every conversation in the club, as usual.**_

"Oh, dear Yuki! What is your favorite fruit?" a customer had cooed.

"My favorite fruit, my dear... Is Kiwi." Yuki said with a flirtatious smile on his face.

_**Meanwhile, over by the twins...**_

"My dear Kureno..."

"Yes, lovely Kyo?"

"What shall I ever do with this fruit?"

"Well, I'll tell you once place you can shove it..."

"Oh, Kyou!" Kureno blushed as Kyo held him close, feeding him an orange.

The fan girls squealed with delight.

**Over in Hatsuharu and Momiji's section of the club...**

"Ne, Hatsuharu... I'm kind of hungry..."

"...Okay, Momiji-chan. You can eat this Blackberry..."

Momiji at the blueberry that Hatsuharu held out for him, and smiled. His teeth were black, now.

"Kyaaaa! So cute!!" Fan girls screamed.

**And then... Tohru got some customers.**

"Hey, Tohru-Kun! What kind of fruit do you like?"

"Uhmm... Well... I do like rice balls..."

The customer threw a tomato at Tohru before fleeing through the doors.

"HOW COULD YOU!!!?" They cried.

From inside the Dark Magic closet, Akito heckled loudly to Tohru.

"LOL... I'm god" Akito said as he held out a rotten pear before hiding in the closet door again. Tohru sighed to herself rather loudly. At this rate, how would she be able to make up for that $1 vase that she had broken? She decided to walk over to Prince Yuki, but slipped on a banana peel. (Cue the joke-drums)

"Looks like I've got a long way to go..."


	2. Fruits Geass

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-F R U I T S G E A S S  
**_Fruits Basket Oriented Parody of __Code Geass_

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"Hiro... Someday," Yuki spoke solemnly while clenching his fists, "I'm going to... crush... Britannia!"

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"Hey, Rin... What exactly _is_ Geass?" Yuki wondered one day while holding the Zero mask in his hands.

Rin, lying on Yuki's bed with a box of pizza, took a bite of the greasy, calorie skyrocketing, waistline fattening food before answering.

"You know that one feeling? Like, where you think you have to buy ten pairs of socks but you only buy seven and it leaves a sort of empty feeling?"

"Uh... No..." Yuki said suspiciously, "Is that Geass?"

"No, I just was wondering if seven pairs of socks were good enough... Wal-Mart was out of stock..."

"..."

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"King Akito zi Britannia," Momiji spoke to his brother, "I've killed your wife Ren, all according to plan. I placed Momo as a fake witness, just as you asked."

"Yes, yes... Very good... But my dear brother, I have one request of you..." Akito stated.

"Yes, brother?" Momiji said, waiting for what dangerous request his brother might have had for him.

"Do you..." The king started, "Do you think... we should serve Doritos, or Cheese-Wiz and crackers for my birthday party next week?"

"Are you kidding me!?," Momiji exclaimed. "Cheese-Wiz, obviously!!"

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"Ah... Uhm... Yuki?" Tohru Honda nervously stuttered as she approached her high-school crush in the hallway, "Are you busy this weekend?"

Yuki looked in the back of his absent mind before he answered. "Uh, no, I don't think so, so that means I'll probably be available if someone wanted to ask me out, wink wink"

"Oh, great! Then, could you come with me to the dentists' office this Saturday? I have to get a root canal and several of my front teeth pulled out and replaced with wooden dentures, but I don't want to go alone..."

"...Sounds romantic." Yuki smiled and walked down the hallway with Tohru.

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"That over there is Kisa Stadtfeld. She's always sick and rarely talks, so she almost never comes to school," Tohru spoke, "She's really nice, though."

"Oh, I see..." Yuki nodded. He had never seen the redhead in school before.

"Maybe you should go talk to her; she's in your class." Tohru suggested with a smile.

"Sounds good," Yuki confirmed as he left Tohru's side to speak to his classmate.

He approached the frail, sickly girl and decided to introduce himself. He put on his nicest smile and made sure to hide his untame unibrow with his bangs.

"Hi, I'm--"

"STRANGER DANGER!!! STRANGER DANGER!!!!!!"

Kisa round-house kicked Yuki in the face with an amazing strength. Yuki was pummeled to the floor in agonizing pain, writhing at Kisa's feet. She looked over to her victim and realized that she had round-house kicked the wrong person... again.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I thought you were Yuki Lamperouge..." Kisa apologized, kneeling down by his side to help him up.

"Agghghghhgghfragglllllelajsdfkdofj... I** am **Yuki Lamperouge... Nice to meet you...?" Yuki raised the hand that wasn't over his face for a handshake.

"STRANGER DANGER!!!!!!!"

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"I'm sorry Kisa, I haven't introduced you to the rest of the student council yet, have I?" Arisa spoke with a smile. "I'm Arisa Uotani, or Madam President."

"Oh... Well... Hello..." Kisa pretended to act frail.

Arisa then pointed over to a boy with crazy black hair. "That's Kakeru Manabe. We all like to pretend that he's mentally sane and that he didn't stick forks into electrical sockets when he was a kid, the poor thing..."

Kisa just blankly stared at Kakeru. Kakeru mouthed 'call me' and signaled with his hand to his ear.

"I'm certain you've already met Vice President Yuki!" Arisa smiled.

Yuki had his face bandaged up and was holding a blue ice pack to his face. Kisa wasn't sure, but she had a feeling he wasn't smiling.

"Tohru Honda is... Well, the author didn't remember what role in the student council Shirley had, so we're all just going to make-believe that she's Woody Allen."

"...Woody...Allen?"

"Last but not least is Saki Hanajima. She's the quiet treasurer with a 'fro."

"Sup." Saki greeted without looking away from her computer screen.

"Well, that's the student council in a nutshell. The men in white jackets will arrive at 10am every morning to take us to the comfortable rooms and get us our injections, so just try to get as comfortable as you can while you're here."

Kisa blankly stared at Arisa before a huge grin covered her face. "I think I'm gonna like it here!"

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"Momo, my dear sister... How are you feeling today?" Yuki said to his little sister when he got home.

"Big brother, I feel like a psychologically-crippled-by-Geass-and-bound-to-a-wheelchair-girl who's lost complete and total eyesight vision..."

"Good, I'm glad you're feeling better!" Yuki smiled as he hugged his little sister.

"Me too..."

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"Hatori Asplund... I need you to make me a Knightmare frame..." Akito spoke to his finest engineer that money could buy.

"Oh, yes... Why, I'd love to, your Highness. Really. But, I'm afraid I've got a toaster stuck inside of my spleen at the moment and I-- oh, the toast is ready!"

"What a coincidence! I recently got a waffle-maker shoved up my--- Hey! The waffles are finished!"

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"Excuse me, Zero...." Kisa asked as she opened the door to Zero's office. Zero sat at his desk, the back of his chair turned to Kisa.

"Come in." Zero allowed. "Did you need something?"

Kisa looked to the floor as Zero turned around in his chair.

"Well, it's just that..."

"You want a raise, right?"

"Well, yeah. We all do." Kisa gestured to the door as all the members of the Black Knights peeked their heads into the room cautiously.

"Ughh... Well... Uh..." Zero reached into his pocket and pulled out twenty-seven cents, some pocket lint and a $1 coupon for your next purchase of a Quarter Pounder at McDonalds. "Here."

Kisa took the content from Zero's hand and stared at it for a moment. "Uh... Z-zero..."

"What, you want mo--"

"Z-z-z-zero...!"

"What?! What do you want-"

Kisa turned around and held up her payments in the air.

"IT WORKED! IT WORKED! HE GAVE US A RAISE!!!" She yelled to the Black Knights by the door.

"HUZZAH!!!"

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"As Yuki vi Britannia, I command you all to... MAKE ME BACON!!!" Yuki stretched his arms out to the Britannian soldiers as a tiny bird flew out of his eye sockets and landed inside their brains.

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"You know, Yuki... I'm no good with cats... But I can tell that this one really likes you! And he doesn't seem to have a home..." Hiro said as he pet the stray orange cat that sat on Yuki's lap. The cat hissed at Hiro and punched him in the eye three times. "Yeah... He doesn't like me..."  
"We'll call him..." Yuki wondered, "Kyo."  


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A/N: In case I didn't make it clear in the story who played what character:**

Yuki - Lelouch  
Hiro - Suzaku  
Rin - CC  
Tohru - Shirley  
Kisa - Kallen  
Arisa - Milly  
Hatori - Lloyd  
Akito - King Charles  
Momiji - VV  
Momo - Nunnally  
Kakeru - Rivalz  
Saki - Nina  
Ren - Marianne

**Please leave your review!**

**OSP  
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